The Case for a Second Date
Listen, this is one of the areas where you learn to separate yourself from the rest. If you can do this consistently, I think you might be surprised with the results! Chances are, you don't come off the way that you think you do on a first date. In Rachel Greenwald's book "Have Him at Hello", 90% of the time, the women were wrong about why their date didn't call them back for a second date. So, chances are...he probably didn't come off the way he quite meant to either.
Who's good at first dates?
1. People who are coached and taught.
2. People who have a LOT of them!
So, if he has given you no reason to believe on a first date that he's anything but kind and honest, than say "Yes" when he calls you for a second date. Oh, and make sure that your behavior on your first date is such that he would like to call you for a second! I focus on this heavily in my coaching program, but I'll give you the best tip I can right here for free: BE NICE!
There are many reasons why you should answer a request for a second date with the affirmative. I've seen statistics that suggest that roughly half of all happily married women were not initially attracted to their husbands when they first met them. Men don't say the same thing. How nice is it that you're equipped with the tools to generate chemistry and attraction over time? Be grateful for your lack of penis, and use it to your advantage!
You want a man who's wildly into you...right? Who wouldn't? Let's be real, ladies! They can act a little weird on a first date when they're wildly into you! Don't be so shut down. Give them a chance to recover from the shock of your dazzling beauty and wipe the puppy dog look off their face. They'll probably do better on that second date where you two can make a much better decision about each other.
Even if it feels like this date might be agonizing, recognize that this is a new person that you can learn new things from. Look forward to it! Everyone has something to teach us. If the second date is going nowhere, take the time to learn something new and interesting about the world that you didn't know before through his eyes. Think about single girlfriends that you have that might be into him. Recognize that if you can generate a friendship here, that he might have a single guy friend who is just the man for you! You're not just dating. You're also networking.
If you're "dating", then you should be busy out dating! If it's a choice between staying home or being out honing your dating skills, where should you be? Try to pick a fun activity that you really enjoy to do together. Sometimes, staring at each other from across a table can be maddening, but heading out for a hike, bike ride or even a silly trip to a bowling alley or miniature golf outing can completely change the chemistry between the two of you. Think about a second date that's completely different from the first and give it a go.
One last thing to try... If he didn't call you back for a second date, even if you didn't quite "feel it", then wait a week and call him for a second date. If this is really too hard for you, then go ahead and send him an email and let him know that you're open to going out again. You may have put off a strong "I'm not interested" air on your first date, and that was the reason he didn't call. Sometimes the best men have a staggering fear of rejection. It's ok to help him out a little as long as you let him be the man in every other way. Really, at that point, you have nothing to lose, and potentially everything to gain!
About the Author:
Jaime Richards is a Dating Coach for Women. She specializes in helping marriage minded women who are over 30. You can visit her page for her services and for her dating blog.
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